The Recapped Intermittent Adventures of De Brown Streak #13-16 - The Story So Far

Post By Josh Clement Fri Aug 05, 2005 at 08:42:44 am EDT	Subject The Recapped Intermittent Adventures of De Brown Streak #13-16 - The Story So Far Originally The Intermittent Adventures of De Brown Streak #17 - Now With Added Botherhood of Evil Mutates	In Reply To Josh Clement Fri Aug 05, 2005 at 08:39:47 am EDT

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DBS #13

We start with a low shot of Bend Creek, Missouri, about sixty miles out from Cairo. Sunset. Pan in and there’s the factory, a square windowless block behind high wire-topped chain link fencing. Its surrounded by police cars with their lights flashing, and some US Army trucks. The tech guys are setting up spotlights to shine on the walls. And outside the gates, along with the news people and the anxious relatives of the hostages in the building are about a hundred pro-mutate protestors waving placards and shouting slogans.

Let’s take a look at the sign on the gate. It says New Tomorrow Industries: Making Tomorrow Safer and Better. And spray-painted over that it says: “Mutate Killers”. That’s because Bend Creek is where they manufacture the Mark III Genetic Cleansing Module, the machine that “cures” mutates by wiping the DNA strands that give them their special abilities. The law says that unregistered mutates, those who use their powers without government license, and any registered mutate whose powers are deemed unstable and dangerous must undergo the treatment. Nearly half come out alive and healthy afterwards.

And inside? That’s where the Jumbuck is holding hostage the second day shift and demanding the government end production of the M3GCM, reverse the measures of the Mutate Security Act and basically be nice to mutates ever after. To show he’s not kidding Jumbuck’s just ripped the head off lead technician Dr Walt Jedson and tossed it down to General “Thunderclap” Rott who’s leading the hostage management team.

Okay, so it’s not a laughfest so far. Sorry. But wait until after the credits when De Brown Streak gets here and maybe things will lighten up. A bit.

Parodyverse productions presents…

A Josh Clement Story…

An Intermittent Adventure…

In association with the Hooded Hood Narrative Helpline…

Co-financed by Avis Enterprises…

Book and soundtrack available at all good stores…

Josh Clement is DE BROWN STREAK…

Rupert Oliver is THE JUMBUCK…

General “Thunderclap” Rott is THE HORSE’S ASS…

And introducing Pricilla Duvalle as THE GIRL…

In…

“The Intermittent Adventures of De Brown Streak #13, now with added Lair Legion Membership”

Certificate 15

De Brown Streak zooms over the countryside, past the police cordon, and screeches to a halt where General Rott is looking at the head that’s just bounced off his staff car hood. “Okay, everybody can cheer. I’ve arrived to save the… eew. Is that a head?”

“Thunderclap” Rott: “De Brown Streak! Arrest him!”

DBS: “Hold it. Time out. Before we do the whole misunderstood hero thing, I think you need to check out this card here. The one that says I’m a bona-fide probationer with the Lair Legion, and that you have to render me all assistance and stuff because the President and Sir Mumphrey Wilton say so.”

Rott: “We’ll pry it out of your cold dead hands and read it later, mutie.”

DBS: “Yeah, but then if you start firing at me I’m pretty sure there’s an LL byelaw that says I can catch the bullets out of the air and stick them up your ass. So maybe you better start saluting and rending me assistance and stuff. If you have any cute female staff officers they could render me assistance right now.”

Rott: “………”

DBS: “Yeah, I’m your worst nightmare. A mutie with a badge!”

General Rott bites his cigar in two and waves Dr Morrow’s head at Josh. “And what are you gonna do about this then, Mister Badge?”

DBS: “After I puke? Well, I guess if you get me some crazy glue…”

“There’s two hundred forty people trapped in that factory with that lunatic mutate,” warns Rott. “If you can’t get in there and stop him we’re gonna need whole truckloads of crazy glue to sort out the damage.”

DBS: “Oh, so suddenly its all about me, is it? Now you’re not shooting me on sight I have to go save some mutate-killing-machine manufactures from an outraged mutate?”

Rott: “Yeah, you gotta save some mutate-killing-machine manufacturers who make minimum wage assembling electrical components fifty hours a week to feed their families from a crazed lunatic who ripped this guy’s head off and tossed it down with a note to send him a six pack of beers, if you’ve got time between being a smartass to get on with that.”

Josh winces. He hates it when the mutate-hating bigots are right. “Okay. You got it. I’ll go give this nutjob his beers. Rectally. And then you can salute me, cause I’ve got the badge.” He zooms off. He zooms back. “Oh, and could you please work on the pretty staff officer thing as well. Thanks?” Zooms off again.

And now we’re inside the factory, where the Jumbuck has twisted bits of bent machinery round people’s wrists or ankles to keep them from fleeing, and is currently occupying his terrified hostages with a long explanation of why Jason Donovan and Yahoo Serious are the greatest cultural icons of the 20th century. Yep, he’s that sick. Listen: “…people say Paul Hogan, and sure he’s made a massive contribution, but for iconic staying power…”

DBS: “Hey, guy dressed up like a giant rabbit! You seen a serious supervillain round here?”

The Jumbuck turns and flexes his paw-claws. “You dare to make fun of… the Jumbuck?”

DBS: “I’d have to say Yes. I mean, did you think dressing as a giant bunny was gonna strike terror into the hearts of your foes or what? No disrespect to Jack Rabbit and his hot sister, naturally. But what were you trying to say with the fluffy tail? Or was this just a gig to get you a date with Yo?”

The Jumbuck: “The Jumbuck is a cultural reference to the land of my birth. Once a jolly swagman sat by a billabong…”

DBS: “You’re Danish?”

“Aussie!” screams the Jumbuck, his fluffy tail twitching. “I’m Australian, you doofus!”

“And you’re admitting it?”

The Jumbuck flexes his admantine skeleton. “You’re really asking for a big nibbling, bigmouth.”

DBS, smirking: “It’s not my mouth that’s unusually big. And no way are you nibbling the part of me that is. But enough about me. Surrender now and I’ll get you Yo’s phone number. He might even take your call.”

The Jumbuck: “Look, I’m standing up for mutate right here. This place is an abomination, and the Botherhood of Evil Mutates won’t let it carry on any longer.”

DBS: “The who?”

The Jumbuck: “You heard. I work of Morbido and his Botherhood of Evil Mutates. This is only the first step in our campaign to make sure mutates are the next rulers of the world! And also we get dental.”

De Brown Streak: “See I was with you on the abomination thing right up to the bit where you ripped some guy’s head off and started wanting to rule the world. That was when you slipped from spunky freedom-fighter to terrorist loon who’s gonna get his ass handed to him. So as you know.”

The Jumbuck: “And who’s going to stop me? Some washed-up runner who’s betrayed the cause and gone to work for the Man? Some Uncle Xavier?”

Josh Clement, angrily: “Hey, I’ve been fighting for mutate rights while you were still cuddling your Kylie Minogue pillow, rabbit-boy!”

The Jumbuck, popping his claws because it makes a cool full-page pin-up: “Bring it, race-traitor. I’m gonna rip you…”

But the Jumbuck doesn’t get to finish because Josh has beaten him senseless, trussed him up, dumped him at General Rott’s feet, and gone back to free the hostages. What can I say? DBS has a short attention span. He got bored.

And now it’s all over but the adulation. DBS heads out to the gate to talk to the mutate rights demonstrators. Well, the pretty ones anyhow.

DBS: “Hi, I’m De Brown Streak. I guess you’re wondering how I beat that crazed idiot that was giving our cause a bad name, huh? Well, if you’d just like to line up in order of attractiveness I’ll be happy to give you a very personal account of the whole thing.”

But nobody moves. Pricilla Duvalle: “Traitor!”

DBS: “Huh? What? You mean Jumbuck. He’s the traitor who gave out cause a bad name, right? Right?”

PD: “You’re the traitor, Josh Clement! You surrendered to the government, and now you’re doing their work for them, tracking down mutates. You’ve gone to the other side.”

DBS: “Hey, I’m fighting to save a world that hates and fears me here. I’m fighting for truth and justice for everybody. Really.”

Pricilla points to the silent, accusing crowd: “Look around, Clement. You betrayed us. Nobody likes you or trusts you now.” She spits on him.

DBS: “But… some of you will be coming home with me anyway, right?”

Pricilla and the others walk away disgustedly.

DBS: “Right…?”

And watching on his monitor screens, Morbido the Magnificent chuckles to himself. “Yes, things are moving along nicely. It won’t be long before De Brown Streak is forced to decide whether he betrays his own kind with the Lair Legion, or comes to stand in the Botherhood of Evil Mutates… beside his father!”

DBS #14

Visionary knocks on a door. If you’re going to have a special guest there you might as well get him in right at the start. And make him do some work for his appearance fee. Besides, Josh (De Brown Streak) Clement doesn’t want to knock on this door. Listen…

Visionary: “Okay, I knocked on the door. Can I go now.”

Josh: “No. Somebody might answer.”

Visionary: “With training, you could learn to knock on doors by yourself. It’s not complicated. And this is me saying this.”

Josh, nervously; “I can generally knock on doors. I can do all kinds of stuff. I can put my pants on without help, which puts me one up on some members of your Lair Legion.”

Vizh: “So why this door? What’s so bad about this one?”

Josh: “Doesn’t matter. No answer. Too bad. Let’s go.”

Pricilla Duvalle answers the door. She’s a pretty black girl with long curly hair. She’s got the sort of distinctive appearance that lets you know the artist took some time working up sketches, so she’s not a one-off crowd scene kind of gal.

Pricilla: “Oh. It’s you.”

Josh: “Me?”

Pricilla: “Visionary. I saw you on television.”

Visionary, preening because for the first time in history a girl has noticed him instead of DBS: “I was in the Transworlds Challenge. Back when we saved the planet.”

Pricilla: “You were the one that screams like a girl, yeah?”

Josh snickers.

Vizh: “Laugh away, Clement. You were the one who asked me to come along to help you talk to a girl.

Josh stops snickering.

Pricilla: “You tracked me down and brought Visionary to my apartment to help you talk to me? Are we in seventh grade again?”

Vizh: “Oh I hope not. I still have flashbacks.”

Josh: “I brought him along because I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. I didn’t want you to feel threatened. That’s why I picked Visionary.”

Vizh: “Hey! I can be threatening. I’ve bled on hundreds of bad guys! And sometimes puked.”

Pricilla: “Why should I feel threatened by you, Clement? You think I’m scared of you just because I dared tell you that you’ve become a lousy sell-out traitor with your fat, smug, corporate, government-sponsored Lair Legion buddies?”

Vizh: “Hey again!”

Josh: “I just didn’t want to give you any more grounds for badmouthing me. And I figured maybe if I explained my reasons for doing what I’m doing somebody might start taking me seriously again, okay?”

Pricilla snorts. “You think they took you seriously before? Mutate poster-boy eye-candy maybe, but you were never a serious proponent of the mutate cause.”

Josh doesn’t take this well. “What do you mean? I rescued people from detention centres and fought Sentinoids and stuff. I’m on t-shirts!”

“And you just distracted everybody so the stories were all about you not the issue. You were an embarrassment then, and you’re a traitor now!”

Visionary: “I can’t think why you wanted me to come along and do the talking, Josh.”

Josh: “And all the good I did doesn’t count, huh? Because some sophomore feminista doesn’t like the way I save people and fight evil?”

Pricilla: “That’s right. What, you thought you’d breeze in here with your tight running shorts and your cheesy smile and smooth over any little criticisms I might have of the perfect De Brown Streak and then charm the pants off me? Literally probably? Is that it? And then the world would be okay again and everyone will forget that you abandoned the cause and went to work for the people trying to enslave mutates as second class citizens?”

Vizh: “Um, technically I don’t think I’m trying to enslave anyone. I don’t know what you heard about those Caphan girls but…”

Josh: “You know what? I don’t know why I did come here. It was bothering me that somebody could be so off-base about me and what I do and why I do it. So I thought I’d give you a break and take the time to come and explain. But you’re not interested in explanations, only accusations.”

Vizh, uncomfortably: “You know when I agreed to guest star I thought it’d probably be a funnier, more off-the-wall kind of plotline. I’m not so good on the politics and things. If you have a toaster I could do some good funny stuff with that?”

Pricilla: “I’m not interested in your self-serving rationalisations, you mean. Run away and play with your institutional friends. Go cosy up with Mr Epitome and Falcon and Aryan Ideal. You’re not getting what you called for today, Josh Clement.”

Josh: “Fine. I have things to do that don’t involve mad dumb armchair revolutionaries who don’t understand what’s really happening and can’t see past their trendy rhetoric anyhow.”

And Josh clement Brown Streaks away.

Visionary smiles sheepishly at Pricilla. “Um, well, very nice to have met you. Have a nice day.”

Pricilla: “You! What do you think about mutates then?

Vizh: “I’m for them. Or rather, I’m okay with them. I don’t think everybody has to be a mutate. But they can be if they want to. Or rather, they can’t because it’s a genetic thing, but if they could and they wanted to be I’d be okay with it. Um.”

Pricilla: “So you’d work with one? Be friends with one? Date one?”

Vizh: “I work with Josh, and we’re kind of friends except we never spend much time in the same scenes together. I probably wouldn’t date him, even though Yo keeps telling me he’s pretty cute.”

Pricilla looks the guy in the lemon raincoat up and down. “Okay. Friday, 8.30. You can pick me up. Don’t book Thai. I hate Thai food.”

Vizh: “Wait. What?”

But Pricilla has already shut the door.

Vizh: “Help.”

And later, when Vizh has staggered away and Josh is sulking in the Lair Library, Pricilla gets out her omnicommunicatorscope and calls in:

“Hey, it’s me. Tell Morbido that his plan is working and DBS is wavering. Oh, and I’ve got a date with Visionary Friday night.”

“No, of course Visionary doesn’t know I’m the Vermillion Vex. Not yet…”

Continued…

(This episode is dedicated to Visionary the poster, whose work I just don’t rave about enough. I hope he doesn’t mind me complicating his already complex love life just a little bit more.)

DBS #15:

In a quiet little restaurant somewhere in Tiny Greece (see HH’s map of Parodiopolis, or since it’s HH’s map, Paradopolis), Visionary sits nervously with his unexpected date, Pricilla DuBois, who is secretly De Brown Streak’s mutate lost twin sister, the Vermillion Vex. Any similarity to characters and situations in major comic book companies with really vicious lawyers is purely coincidental.

Pricilla: “Well, this is… unexpected. I’ve never eaten Javan cuisine before.”

Visionary: “Sorry about that. I wasn’t expecting to accidentally date you and most places were booked. And really I was getting a bit confused. I thought that this joint had some kind of Star Wars theme.”

Pricilla: “The menu seemed to baffle you too. Do you really enjoy diced killer blowfish in a seaweed sauce?”

Vizh: “What? I thought I ordered the salad!”

Pricilla gives Vizh his first smile of the evening. “Yeah, my research said you could be kind of careless about the little details.”

Visionary panics. “Research? You’ve researched me?”

Pricilla realises that this is kind of a giveaway that she’s actually a card-carrying member of the Botherhood of Evil Mutates, working for her father Morbido the Malevolent. “Well, when I say research,” she covers hastily, “I’m talking about finding out what a guy’s like before I meet with him. Basic precaution in the modern dating field.”

“There are databases and stuff?” Vizh asks worriedly. “Only I think they should take into account when a guy’s on prescribed medication that might make him clumsier or slower to catch on than usual.”

“No databases, although somebody could make a fortune with that idea. No, I had to rely on these.” Pricilla opens her bag and gets out a bunch of glossy celeb magazines. “Is it true you jilted Lisa at the altar?”

“No. Absolutely not. That was all a big misunderstanding. A multi-part misunderstanding really.”

“What about you and nine green-skinned alien slaves you captured?”

“That was all blown out of proportion too. I didn’t capture them, I rescued them, and there was no hanky-panky at all. Not even any hanky. Well, almost no hanky, and that was later.”

Pricilla makes a note on a pad she’s carrying. “Uh huh. So you didn’t sleep with them?”

“Not all of them. I mean, I don’t talk about…”

Pricilla moves down the list. “The Lair Legion’s administrator seems to think very highly of you too. She says you are a Great Man, the finest human being ever to be born, and that she doesn’t know why every woman doesn’t want to date you.”

“Yes, well Asil is a little… enthusiastic in her assessment of my…”

“What about your waitress friend? The one in the coffee shop?”

“Sarah. We’re just good friends. I only go there for the crullers really.”

“So there’s no truth to the rumours of you and her skinny-dipping in Off-Central Park.”

“Where the hell does Paradopolis Today get these flaming stories?!” Vizh explodes exasperatedly.

Pricilla checks the byline. “Some guy named Flapjack, if you can believe that. It’s got to be a pen name.”

“Akiko Masamune has whacked people for me before,” scowls Visionary darkly, glaring at the magazine. “Well, not so much whacked as chased out of town, but all the same…”

“So you’re denying the allegations of your comrade CrazySugarFreakBoy! that you are, and I quote, and idiot-savant fu…”

“You can’t believe everything you read in those gossip rags,” Vizh assures her. “It’s pretty much all made up to fill column inches.”

Pricilla: “There are some pretty weird claims in these. For example, it says that Yo is an alien, that Space Ghost has an alcohol problem, that Lisa once dated a whole marine platoon, that Sir Mumphrey Wilton is actually over a hundred years old, and that Goldeneyed has fathered a love child on an internet porn star.”

“Er yes. Well you can’t always believe everything they print.”

Pricilla sighs. “I’m being too pushy, aren’t I? I always do this. I scare guys off with the fifth degree.”

“Well, like you say, a girl has to be careful. I mean, I also had a bit of a background check done on you,” Vizh admits. “Not that that makes me a girl,” he adds hastily.

“Oh,” Pheobe frowns. “And…?”

“And I know you’re a mutate, registered for the minor power to make ketchup bottles splodge out in one big meal-destroying lump. Maybe not the greatest super-power ever, but then again there’s a superhero out there whose power is to hold objects horizontally at arms’ length for extended periods of time.”

Pricilla: “So you decided to go slumming? Try and score a little mutie rough?”

Vizh: “No, really not. Just because you’re a mutate doesn’t… I’m not looking for… I’m not the guy who appears in those gossip rags, Pricilla.”

Pricilla: “Shame. He seems to be kind of a stud.”

Vizh: “Now my head just hurts. The killer poisoned blowfish is starting to seem like a good menu choice.”

Pricilla: “It’s just that I can’t help but notice that you spend a lot of time palling around with… well, folks that lots of people would call second class. Computer beings and gender-challenged thought beings and aliens and pyromaniacs and stuff. Are you hoping to look good by comparison?”

Vizh: “They’re my friends, that’s all. I don’t think of them as anything else really.”

Pricilla sips her Dr Pepper. “You know, I almost believe you. I’m almost buying the nice guy act. You may be the most prejudice-free guy I’ve ever dated. So what do you think about De Brown Streak?”

“Josh? He’s a nice guy if you get past the he-irritates-the-hell-out-of-me-the-way-he-chases-women part.” Vizh thinks again. “Wait a minute! Is that what this date is about? You’re using me to get at Josh? Teach him a lesson that he’s not God’s gift to women?”

Pricilla shakes her head. “I admit to being a bit curious about Josh, but not how you’re thinking.” She leans in, causing Vizh to spill his drink onto his pants. “Can I tell you a secret?”

“Is it that your mutate power is to impersonate a woman but you’re really a man?” Visionary worries. “Because we all laughed at spiffy that one time but…”

“No. I’m all woman, Visionary, I promise you that. Then again, when I’m leaning forward with this décolletage you can probably judge for yourself.”

“Not that I was looking. I just… was worried that one of your buttons was losing a thread. Yes, that’s it.”

“Worried or hoping?” Pricilla teases. “Anyway, can you keep a secret? Cross your heart and hope to get eaten by the Yurt if you tell?”

Vizh: “Well, I guess I can, unless it turns out you’re part of some secret mutate cabal out to take over the planet and subjugate us poor homo sapiens in slavery for the rest of our miserable lives or something.”

“Ha!” Pricilla laughs falsely. “As if. What a wag you are, Visionary. The very idea. No, here’s my secret. I’m a twin.”

Vizh perks up. “You have an equally hot twin sister? Er, I mean, another charming young lady such as your…”

“Yeah, I get the sentiment. No, my twin is a brother.”

“Ah. A big possessive brother who doesn’t like you dating men from gossip magazines?” Vizh swallows. “Only when I said you were hot I just meant that the Javanese cookery is very spicy.”

“My brother doesn’t even know he has a sister. We were separated at birth by a freak exploding milk truck accident. It’s the kind of thing that could happen to anybody.”

Vizh nods. “I know it’s happened to me quite a few times since I started fostering Kerry.” A new worried thought occurs to him. “It’s not me is it? You’re not my long-lost sister?”

Pricilla laughs. “No. I’m real dammit. And also, you know… black?”

Vizh: “Oh yeah. Well now you know why I’m the most prejudice-free guy you’ve ever met. I may also be the dumbest.”

Pricilla: “But I am curious about my long-lost brother… and that’s why I was asking you about De Brown Streak.”

Vizh: “You think Josh may be able to help you find… No, it’s okay. I’m with you now. No need to stab me with that fork you’re gripping.” He hastily moves the ketchup bottle to an adjoining table too.

Pricilla: “You can’t tell Josh. You promised to keep a secret. You can’t tell him yet, until I’m ready to cope with it all.”

“Because you disapprove of him joining the Lair Legion and not fighting for the ‘mutate cause’ as an outlaw? But honestly, Pricilla, DBS is doing just as much…”

“You promised.”

“I did. Okay, I’ll keep your secret. And I’ll fill you in on what I know about your secret brother if it helps you gain the confidence to let him in on the need-to-know.” Vizh sighs. “I knew there had to be some reason a beautiful girl like you needed a date with a guy like me.”

“Oh Vizh, don’t think like that. There were all kinds of ways I could have got to know about Josh. This was the only one that gets me to know you too. And believe it or not, I’m kind of enjoying our time together. Especially since I know now that you don’t have romantic attachments to any woman on the planet, despite what Parodiopolis Today said on February 9th.”

“February 9th issue?”

“Faking Orgasms: We Rate the Top Twenty Vixens to Test Drive Visionary.”

“Flapjack is so dead…”

“But you’re not that guy, right? You’re not having torrid affairs with Lisa and Yo and Dancer and Baroness von Zemo and Hallie and Laurie Leyton and Asil Ashling and…”

“Er, well I’m not really seeing anyone exclusively just now…”

Pricilla smiles as she plays with her fork. “Good.” And she thinks, But it’s best for those Caphans, the waitress, the computer girl, the lawyer, the clone, and the thought being all to have nasty accidents anyway, just to be on the safe side. Oh yes.

Vizh: “Are you okay? Only you got a strange look on your face, so I wondered if your salad had a slug in it or something? That happened to me one time, but Yo wouldn’t let me move it because it seemed so happy grazing on my lettuce.”

Pricilla: “I’m just fine, Vizh. I was just thinking. I’ve shared a secret with you. You should share one with me.”

Vizh: “A secret? What kind of secret? I know the override codes to unlock the secret levels of a Bautistamat Microwave Oven.”

Pricilla smiles at him and shuffles closer, leaning even further forward. “Nothing as terrible as that, Visionary. I was just wondering if you keep a spare toothbrush I could borrow? For the morning.”

To be continued

DBS #16:

So last time, Visionary dated Pricilla DuBois (secretly De Brown Streak’s secret mutate secret sister, and also secretly a member of the Botherhood of Evil Mutates – Ssssshh!). After the last-line spare toothbrush question it was looking pretty good on the Vizh-has-pulled-meter. But this is Visionary, so of course there are a few problems.

Visionary: “So, ah… here is the Lair Mansion. Where I live. For now. Because my Condo exploded.”

Pricilla: “Yes, I’ve seen it on TV. Your Mansion, that is. I don’t think I’ve seen your Condo.”

Vizh: “Well, it’s not looking at its best right now. The Condo. On account of blowing up when the Hellraisers attacked it.”

Pricilla: “So, are you going to invite me in to your Mansion or not, Visionary?”

Vizh looks even more stricken than usual. “Invite you in, I guess. I mean, I’d like to invite you in, but…”

“But there’s a sentient computer system that logs everybody in and out of the building, and if you sneak me up to your room she’ll know?”

Vizh swallows hard. “Kind of.”

Pricilla: “But you definitely told me you weren’t dating Hallie.”

Vizh: “That’s right.”

Pricilla: “That you’re not dating Hallie or that you told me you’re not dating Hallie?”

Vizh scratches his head. “Um, what was the question again?”

Pricilla sighs, which is an interesting experience to watch when she’s in that tight red bustier. “The question is whether you’re inviting me into you computer-monitored mansion for a drink or calling me a cab home.”

Vizh: “Drink. Really. I’m not scared of Hallie. Or Dancer. Or Lisa. Well, maybe a little scared of Lisa.”

They head up to the front door, where Vizh uses the password to get past the stunulators. “Please don’t evaporate me!”

Hallie blinks in, forming a hologram to chat with the new arrivals. “Well hello Vizh. Did you know there was a woman following you?”

Pricilla: “You must be Hallie. But if you can form a hologrammatic body to look like anyone why did you pick that one?”

Hallie: “I didn’t know you were taking your date to a fancy dress come-as-a-hooker party Vizh.”

Suddenly, there’s a catastrophic data bus cascade problem in the sub-basement, wiping hours of Hallie’s painstaking work. With an angry grown the A.I. blinks out to try and salvage something of it.

Pricilla: “She seemed nice.”

Vizh, worriedly: “Yes. Okay, welcome to the Lair Mansion, unless you’re secretly an alien shapeshifter, an evil clone, a evil vampire, or a disguised Hero Feeder. In which case you probably shouldn’t step through this doorway arch.”

Pricilla steps through the arch. “I’m not secretly any of those things. Now which was was your room?”

Vizh: “Er yes. Let’s take the back stairs…”

Meanwhile, out in a ritzy waterfront apartment overlooking Busiek Bay, De Brown Streak is about to join Inga and Thonga in the hot tub when his comm-card goes off.

Inga: “Your shorts are buzzing, Joshua!”

DBS: “You got that right, babe. Oh, you mean the comm-card. Damn. Hold on a moment while I check how Hatman wants to screw up my life now.”

But it’s not Hatman. It’s Kerry. “DBS! We have a grade one emergency! We need you!”

Suddenly DBS is standing beside Kerry in the Lair Mansion Communications Room. He’s still slightly damp, but at least he remembered to put his pants back on. This time. “What’s the problem? Hellraisers? Elder gods? Lovetoads?”

Kerry shakes her head. “We have an intruder alert, Josh,” she warns the sepia speedster. “I think there’s somebody broken into… mm, looks like the invader’s in Vish’s bedroom.”

“Where’s the rest of the Legion?” De Brown Streak asks. “Not that I need them.”

“Conveniently absent,” Kerry replies. “Except for the Librarian who is on monitor duty. But he’s far too sensible for me to call for this kind of… mission.”

“Don’t worry Kerry. I’ll save Visionary.”

Josh streaks up to Vizh’s room and hammers the door down. “Hold it there, villain!”

Pricilla: “That was pretty much my intention. But not with you watching, you perv!”

Vizh falls out of bed. “Ouch. Wha? What’s happening?”

Josh: “Kerry said you had an intruder in your room!” Then Josh recognised Vizh’s guest as he finally looks at her face. “Pricilla DuBois?”

Pricilla grabs Vizh’s yellow coat and drags it on. “Full marks of observation, gene-traitor. Now is there any chance you could, you know, get the hell out?”

Kerry bursts into the room. “Don’t worry DBS, I called the entire Juniors to back you up and they’ll be here in just a couple of minutes.”

Vizh: “Agh. Excuse me, I think I need to crawl under this bed now. It’s just a standard security check thing.”

Pricilla: “You people are all insane.”

Kerry: “Hey, I know you have to be an evil villain or something. No way would dorkface score on his own. And the sensors show you’re a mutate as well.”

DBS: “Pricilla is a mutate? Why didn’t she tell me?”

Pricilla: “It’s not like we have secret decoder rings or something. I didn’t mention it because it didn’t come up.”

Vizh flinches reflexively. “I’ve been under a lot of strain lately and… oh, yes, you didn’t tell Josh you were his mutate sister.”

DBS: “What?”

Pricilla: “What! You promised you wouldn’t tell him!

Vizh: “What? Tell him wha… oh. Oops.” Crawls further under the bed.

Ham-Boy: “What?”

Harlagaz: “Well met, fair maiden. Ne’er hast yon Visionary’s coat looked so fine.”

Hallie crackles in. “Oh, is it a party? Why did nobody invite me.”

Vizh: “Maybe I can get the Hooded Hood to just retcon this whole day? That’s my only chance now.”

DBS: “My sister? Pricilla, are you my sister?”

Pricilla: “So what if I am? You owe me a huge amount of birthday and Christmas presents, by the way.”

Fashion Accessory: “Is this some kind of pop test? We get called out in the middle of the night and slipped into a parallel universe?

Glory: “Woof!”

Vizh: “Maybe we should all discuss this in the morning? When I can reach my pants.”

DBS: “And that’s another thing. Did you touch my sister? Did you?”

Pricilla: “I bet you’re glad you didn’t score with me now, right Josh?”

Kerry: “Can this scene get more eew?”

Vizh: “Can this scene get worse in any way at all?”

Sir Mumphrey Wilton: “Well now chaps? What’s all the commotion about, hmm?”

Continued…

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